It's not just that I never had a childhood best friend; it's that I'll never have a childhood best friend. That era has come and gone, that chapter closed.
100 days later, my sexual sobriety still very much feels like a fantastical concept. But it’s easier now, I guess.
He decided he didn't want to be my friend anymore. I'm not entirely sure who was more to blame, and this not knowing still plagues me.
But is it wrong that I look for that true brother still, that I still pray for God to bring that true brother to me? I hope not.
My gay brother had been burned. What started as seemingly harmless sexual experiments ended as an out-of-control obsession that literally killed my brother.
I saw I was faced with a stark choice: it was gay sex or Jesus Christ, a relationship with one or the other, but not both.
I longed to be someone else. To not have to carry the burden of different. It was so heavy. I soon began to pursue perfection. Not because I wanted to, but because it was demanded of me.
In 2008 I entered a desperate Google search: "Christians struggling with homosexuality." Finding that Xanga blogring community changed my life forever.