My Complicated Relationship with Nudity
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My Complicated Relationship with Nudity

My only friend in elementary school had a neighborhood friend named Jeffrey. As he and I sat at the table talking about who knows what, he piped up with a story. “One time,” he said, “the three of us were playing truth or dare. We dared Jeffrey’s little brother to strip naked and run around […]

My Greatest Failure as a Man
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My Greatest Failure as a Man

I am a failure. I’m a failure of a husband and a man. No, I didn’t cheat on my wife; I feel like I’ve done the opposite of it, actually. I’ve been wearing this feeling for awhile. A long time, really. Ever since we got married. When my life turned around many, many years ago, […]

Real Men Don’t Take Baths
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Real Men Don’t Take Baths

“Dude, what do you think you’re doing?” His shocked tone both surprised me and didn’t at the same time. I wanted to come off as curious while not sounding stupid. I simply asked “What?” and watched his eyes widen even further. “Dude, you took a bath,” Martin exclaimed, eyes now larger than originally thought possible. “How […]

Accountability Doesn’t Work
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Accountability Doesn’t Work

Growing up in the church, I learned that any problem with lust, porn, or masturbation could be alleviated with good accountability. The primary reason I remained entangled by these sexual vices was that I didn’t have enough accountability in my life. The more accountability I had, the more divine freedom would be made available to me […]

My Passion Comes from Pain
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My Passion Comes from Pain

If you hang out with me long enough, I hope you’ll see this passion or drive for my Christian faith. I’d say I’ve had this passion for a long time. My church friends have seen this firsthand, as well as my gay friends! I can also sense it myself whenever I’m at my small group or Bible […]

I’ve Never Wanted to Have Sex with Another Man
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I’ve Never Wanted to Have Sex with Another Man

In all my years of wrestling with same-sex attraction — a physical and emotional attraction I can trace back to first grade — not once have I ever sought out or even remotely desired sex with another man. Deep breath. I realize and must certainly clarify that my story is my story alone. I can’t […]

Let’s Talk About Penis Size
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Let’s Talk About Penis Size

When I was about ten or eleven years old, I showed my brother my penis. He was talking on the phone, and I wanted to freak him out and disrupt his conversation. I meant it entirely as a joke. In fact, I did this a few times whenever he got on the phone with somebody. […]

Coming Out to My Fraternity Brother
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Coming Out to My Fraternity Brother

The following is Part Two in this series of posts; click here for Part One. In an attempt to comfort myself as I prepared to share my story of same-sex attraction and addiction with my new friend and fraternity brother, I focused on one of my favorite verses from Isaiah: So don’t worry, because I am […]

Things I’m Learning While Living With Another Guy
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Things I’m Learning While Living With Another Guy

Hey brothers! I wanted to give you all a quick bird’s eye view of my life the last 9 months! I bought a house. It feels really weird typing that sentence right now! I still lie in bed at nights and have a hard time processing the fact that I’m responsible for my own place. […]

When Brotherhood Was Impossible
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When Brotherhood Was Impossible

I’ve never really understood what brotherhood is . . . until now. I’ve grown up with many blood-related brothers. But those relationships were distant or extremely hard to engage. Two of my brothers have developmental disabilities. My oldest brother is 12 years older than me and moved out before I started second grade. I had male […]