As I entered into ministry, I knew my SSA could end it all in one swift move. I hoped that instead of being rejected I would be loved. I hoped that people would notice their prejudice and change once they met me. I spent much time in prayer -- but also smoking.
A straight and very strong "alpha male" type leader has constantly challenged me to go beyond what is safe and comfortable to accomplish more of what really matters. We started becoming close friends, so I shared with him that I deal with same-sex attraction.
It seems as though everyone around me assumes that, simply because someone else struggles with their sexuality, I will become friends with them without any trouble. Friendships take a lot of work. Sexuality -- that is just one minor aspect of a relationship.
God has promised to never leave me or forsake me. He promised that my hope in Him will never put me to shame. I am fully known and fully loved.
It was an SSA guy’s dream, being close friends with ten straight guys. We had our ups and downs, but our community shared a deep intimacy.
I've noticed a couple different aspects of when we pray together. About the unique power in the fact that I go to God with brothers at my side.
He's an attractive cashier but he's more than just an attractive cashier. This attractive cashier personifies much of my struggle for the past 20 years.
Sometimes it’s as if "coming out" and getting rid of the wall between my same-sex attractions and the rest of me will somehow make my sexuality more real.
I still get tense and nervous and start shaking just thinking about coming out again. Some days it's better; other days it's not.
One day my friend came home and found me in deep emotional turmoil. He directly asked me what was wrong, so I tried to explain what I was feeling about him.