So much of YOB life (and, indeed, Side B life in general) is in the unofficial "meetings"; by this, I mean all the conversations to/from retreats and conferences. It's in the downtime chats and interactions that spontaneously happen. This was driven home especially this year as I wrote and read affirmation notes to and from my fellow YOBBERS, a new component of this year's retreat. Small things can be so impactful.
I found myself constantly dealing with doubt, low self-esteem, loneliness, and feeling unloved. As I sat there looking around, I saw so many guys, including the newbies, hanging out with one another, playing games, laughing, and hugging. I felt like I was being avoided because of my stuttering.
Daniel joins Tom to recap this year's YOBBERS Retreat. As a newer member of YOB leadership, how did Daniel enjoy this retreat compared to others? We reflect on this distinction of leadership and participation with our retreat, including the challenge of not just serving a role or a function all weekend long. We also dive into our retreat's first-time art piece -- a locked birdcage with one sparrow inside and two sparrows outside -- and how this piece led to some interesting reflections from the YOBBERS.
I continually wrestle with this dynamic in leadership of Your Other Brothers: where do I keep proper distance in the name of boundaries and self-care, and where do I let someone else enter my birdcage? Can I do both well? Can I lead and participate well?
Simon joins Tom to share their experiences of living alone for these last several years! Has it been an independent person's paradise, or have there also been emotional difficulties? How did the pandemic impact living alone? Simon also shares his experience of growing up with a twin brother, in addition to living previously with female friends, including the challenges of perception amongst any Christian onlookers. Will Simon and Tom live alone for the rest of their lives, or do they pine for a shared living space once again? Finally, Simon shares his experience from our recently held European YOBBERS retreat and how his first event with other men has factored into how "at home" he feels in his masculinity!
Ryan makes his podcast debut as our first native Canadian on the show! He shares his unique living situation, splitting time in the big city and also a small town living in a house with his younger brother. Both Ryan and his brother are single men in their forties – Ryan, queer; his brother, straight. How did this living situation in a faraway town come to be? Ryan tells us the story about "taking the long way" one day, along with his initial visceral reaction to the notion of living with his little brother for the first time since their youth. Ryan also shares about formerly living with a boyfriend when he was affirming, and his journey beyond spiritual turmoil to telling his testimony for more people to hear!
Nhat makes his debut appearance! We celebrate his 1-year YOBiversary as he tells us his “at home” story of being married to his wife of the last four years. He shares the challenges of merging his wife’s family dynamic and his own into one new family and home, as well as the joys of complimenting one another and yearning for a better home together. We also dive into Nhat’s childhood as a “PK” or pastor’s kid and how that has impacted his faith journey, including his coming out experience at 21. How did coming out affect his parents, particularly his father, in an Asian culture often marked by honor and shame?
Andrew returns to tell the tale of his cross-country move from Ohio to Southern California! What led him to leave the only home he’d ever known to find a new one? He shares about his upbringing in the Midwest, including many years of homeschooling, and a friend who prompted him to ponder the possibility of a new start. Andrew basks in the literal and existential sunshine of his new life in SoCal, talking about his new queer community and an accepting church that makes him feel at home in his faith and sexuality. But what of his masculinity? Where does and doesn't he feel quite "at home" in that arena?
Was I in love with him? Did we have the deepest friendship, or was it actually something more? This is for the lot of us who have gone from strangers to friends to kin to nothing.
I learned that it wasn't safe for me to talk about or process through any of this struggle. Not at this church. And that is just what I did for the rest of high school. I didn't talk about my sexuality with anyone at that church again.