I've reached the end of myself many times, and even just admitting that is incredibly difficult. Heartbreak, betrayal, loneliness, and fear -- all related to my sexuality -- have shaken me to my very core and brought me to the end of myself.
Why is it whenever we get so comfortable with our good lives, there's always something that shakes things up?
Some of the happiest periods of my life took place during college and grad school. I lived with a group of eight guys, and they were the greatest friends one could ask for. As their dating relationships grew more serious, I felt myself going down on their list of priorities. Some of those friends got married. And our friendships effectively ended.
As my childhood entered a big transition phase, I started dealing with it through unhealthy self-reliance. This created a sort of double life.
The shame over my SSA made me feel that I was something evil, repulsive, and unlovable. My loneliness and lack of friends seemed to prove it.
I was honestly lonely then, but I pretended like I wasn't. Self-reliance unconsciously became my norm.
I've talked to a lot of people about this rejection and they've all said they don't quite understand the rejection and couldn't see anything I'd done wrong.
We decided to go to a nudist resort. My first trip to a nudist resort! Maybe I'd form a good, close friendship with the guy I was about to meet?
I am an older single guy but am thankfully anything but lonely and depressed. I am very happy and full of hope for my future!
I get into times of doubting, specifically regarding my choice of celibacy. At times, it seems ridiculous that I choose celibacy all because of my faith.