2016 was one of the best years of my life! I had a job that I loved, and the pay was great. My struggle with hooking up was at an all-time low, and I was making so much progress, boosting my confidence in my spiritual life. Although I couldn’t be an official leader at my church, I somehow made my own small group, and we all formed a special bond.
My company allowed me to follow my faith and didn’t mind my listening to worship music and sermons that fed me spiritually. Though my boss wasn’t a believer in Christ, he did allow me the freedom to work in peace, and whenever I had the opportunity to share my faith, I did. God definitely used me at that company to make an impact on each employee’s life.
Outside of work, I could rely on a great group of friends, and they could rely on me at any time! They knew about my SSA, and I was pretty honest about what I went through, including any temptations to hook up again.
With one text or phone call, I was there for my friends, and they were there for me! Because they knew about my sexuality, it felt like we were family, and we loved each other greatly.
Within my small group of friends, I made a best friend I could count on anytime. I disciplined him in the faith, showing him how to find balance in both spiritual things and reality. We hung out every day, and we were very intentional in building up each other in the Lord.
We saw the potential in one another.
I used my past and my sexuality as a stepping stone to disciple him in ways he could grow in the Lord. Not only that, I gave him a glimpse of my worldview of struggling with SSA. We went to a gay pride parade, passing out tracks for an event, and I took him to my home town where I grew up.
He was like a brother to me, maybe even more. He was my Jonathan to my David.
Why is it whenever we get so comfortable with our good lives, there’s always something that shakes things up?
Everything in my life that year was going great, yet God would soon show me something else up His sleeve.
In the latter part of 2016, my boss informed me that I’d be laid off. My boss knew my value to the company and my heart, and he tried his best to keep me on. Luckily, he kept me part-time at first, but this was a huge pay cut to live on.
With the financial stress coming upon me, I could feel my temptation for hooking up growing again. Though I could sense it, I told myself that I could handle it and that God would surely take care of these temptations. I told my friends about my temptations but made them no big deal.
My friends were great, especially my best friend, encouraging me to look for another job. I kept them updated with my SSA and the different jobs I applied for. While I looked for other work, they all prayed for me and told me God would get me a new job right away.
With all my friends’ words of encouragement and prayer, I felt pretty secure that other jobs would come soon and that my friends were in it for the long haul. I thought my struggle was actually a blessing with my friends around.
I thought God would show His glory during that season, showing me that we shouldn’t worry about our earthly trials like job losses or temptations like hooking up, because He would take care of us and meet our needs.
As I was about to be laid off, I told myself this would be a great opportunity to further disciple my best friend and share what God had been showing me. I knew this would be a great opportunity to build our friendship even more and further secure our friendship.
Despite all my best intentions for a godly perspective, I didn’t understand how this season would affect me for a couple of months and how I’d view God in the future. I would wrestle with the idea of the goodness of God, my temptations for hooking up would build even more, my group of friends would diminish, and my best friend would intentionally leave me.
Woe to me that I didn’t prepare for what was yet to come.
Even in the midst of trials, do you believe everything will be all right? Do you have a hard time having a godly perspective during trials? How do you handle loss of finances and loss of friends?