happiness

Do I Still Pray the Gay Away?
18 February 2020
Do I Still Pray the Gay Away?
When they hear I'm attracted to men but married to a woman, straight people, particularly Christians, sometimes ask if I expect my attractions to "change" in this life. For the longest time, I prayed for God to change my attractions. To make me straight. I do still pray about my sexuality, but I don't pray that God would change my attractions to
by Ben Rutkowski
19 Comment(s)
How I've Thrived in Intentional Community
20 December 2019
How I’ve Thrived in Intentional Community
If there's one thing that stands out about me, it's intentional community. As a single Christian guy with same-sex attraction, I find that I fight against sexual temptations much more effectively when living with other guys. I am much happier, too! But how does living with other guys work with all the potential
by Marshall
19 Comment(s)
Do I Follow the God of Yes or the God of No?
17 September 2019
Do I Follow the God of Yes or the God of No?
Right on cue, in walks that cute guy again. Instantly, I'm back to spiraling, back to wondering if this faith thing can really work out in the end, or if I'm actually as crazy as I sound when I tell someone I'm pursuing celibacy. It's in these moments that God feels like the eternal God of "no" — no sex, no boyfriend, no husband, no romance, no intimacy. No love. God becomes the God who won't let me eat the fruit from the one tree I'm craving, instead of the God who provided an entire garden just for
by Aaron
39 Comment(s)
Self-Hatred and the Struggles of Being Gay
16 August 2019
Self-Hatred and the Struggles of Being Gay
As a kid, I said a lot of derogatory things about LGBTQ+ people. I cringe at the things I remember saying. When I realized I was gay, all of that hatred that I showed to others turned in on myself. That realization drove me to reparative therapy. The logic makes sense: I hate gay people, I am gay — thus, I need to not be
by Will Cooper
16 Comment(s)
Is Being "Side B" Just Internalized Homophobia?
23 July 2019
Is Being “Side B” Just Internalized Homophobia?
Do I live the way I live purely because of the way I was raised? Do I still harbor any internalized homophobia of myself and others? Is that why I'm "Side B"? Is this all coming from a place of pious
by Eugene Heffron
23 Comment(s)
Finding Humility Through Beauty at the YOBBERS Retreat
4 June 2019
Finding Humility Through Beauty at the YOBBERS Retreat
Humility is not about being hard on yourself; it's about fighting the urge to stand at the center of it all. As I stood there at this year's YOBBERS retreat, an observer rather than a participant, God reminded me I wasn't there to get as much as I could get, or even give as much as I could give. The YOBBERS retreat was bigger than me. I didn't need to stand in the center of
by Ryan Burger
5 Comment(s)
That One Summer My Friend Declared His Love for Me
8 March 2019
That One Summer My Friend Declared His Love for Me
How was I to respond to my friend's declaration? After everything that had happened in France, I felt even more confused about relationships and sexuality. My faith seemed in limbo, without much support from my summer community, so I didn't know where to put my friend in my life and understanding of
by Kevin Zimmerman
20 Comment(s)
What I Learned from My Midlife Crisis
5 February 2019
What I Learned from My Midlife Crisis
I reached a point of knowing I could trust God, and I was able to choose a more adventurous, challenging life to accomplish more of what really matters! I wouldn't trade the experiences in those three years of my midlife crisis for
by Marshall
5 Comment(s)
How I'll Heal in the Next Life
29 November 2018
How I’ll Heal in the Next Life
God and I are going to have some time alone together at the beginning of the next life. For the wounds to heal, for the scars to fade, and for the tears to become mere memory. I used to think healing would happen in an instant, but I'm not sure that's how healing works
by Ryan Burger
31 Comment(s)
How God Provided in My Midlife Loneliness
26 September 2018
How God Provided in My Midlife Loneliness
Arriving at my new house, I found no one there to greet me. I knew where my new housemates hid the key, so I let myself in. My emotions were almost more than I could take: fear, loneliness, and
by Marshall
12 Comment(s)
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