The Thing I Learned from My Friend’s Addiction
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The Thing I Learned from My Friend’s Addiction

This is the fourth part in the story of my eventful and often strange friendship with Jake. You can read Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3. As soon as I met Jake, I saw that he had issues with drug and alcohol addiction. I knew his addiction could get worse, but I had no idea […]

My Church Supports My True Calling
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My Church Supports My True Calling

Moments shape our lives. Stephen Sondheim wrote in his show, Into the Woods: Oh, if life were made of moments Even now and then a bad one! But if life were only moments Then you’d never know you had one. My life has had some incredible moments. The moment I met my wife. The moment my daughter […]

I No Longer Want to Leave My Family for a Boyfriend
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I No Longer Want to Leave My Family for a Boyfriend

I stayed with my wife and our daughter in China for six months. Together. For those six months, I struggled with SSA, loving my wife, being sexual with a woman, and accepting my new roles as husband and father. It’s not that I didn’t love my wife — I did truly love her — but […]

When I Hated Women
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When I Hated Women

Being separated from my wife and daughter for so long and then finally being reunited with them was great, but it was also a bit of a lifestyle shock for me. I had only lived with Yoko for a month before, and I had never lived with a baby at all before. Both my wife […]

What If You Have No Friends?
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What If You Have No Friends?

Growing up in the church, I heard all about the importance of regular fellowship with other Christians. Pastors spoke on it again and again, using all kinds of metaphors and analogies to drive home their points. We should never be lone rangers. We can’t be lone wolves. We’re not the Marlboro man. A hot coal dies […]

The Season of Best Friends & Brotherhood
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The Season of Best Friends & Brotherhood

Elliott’s Story: Chapter Thirteen Read: Chapter 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 Those next four years were some of the most formative years of my life — relationally, spiritually, and personally. I went from few friends to many friends; from no one knowing of my struggles to handfuls of people knowing all my secrets; from knowing no other same-sex attracted guys […]

Joy After Gay Sex
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Joy After Gay Sex

You know, I write a lot of depressing posts. In general, the brothers here are sharing real, raw stories of their struggles. And that’s a great thing because it is uncommon to have that in the Church. But I want to write a story that is actually happy. It’s about time I showed joy. The […]

When Sex Goes Wrong
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When Sex Goes Wrong

Let’s talk about sex. I’ve had it. More than once. With my wife. I’m married, so it happens. And I even have a child to prove this. However, I made a very different decision many years ago. Before I was even dating or at all interested in my wife, I had sex with another man. I’m not going […]

I Need Help
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I Need Help

Elliott’s Story: Chapter Eleven Read: Chapter 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 Despite all my awareness of my struggles and conscious intentional action to purse my homosexual temptations, I still wasn’t totally cognizant of their reality. I know this may sound strange, but I had not “come out” to anyone — not even to myself. I knew I wasn’t like everyone else, […]

I Want to Kill Myself
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I Want to Kill Myself

Elliott’s Story: Chapter Ten Read: Chapter 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 Nobody knew that I was living a double life. This happy-go-lucky, innocent, smart, Christian boy would lust after naked men while hiding in the shadows. Porn wasn’t as easily accessible as today with personal computers and smart phones, so I had to look on the family computer long after everyone else […]