I had never really liked a girl like this. I had attempted dating girls before...but this time, I was seriously head over heels for this girl.
I refuse to tell people when they've hurt me. I lie to people about being okay when I'm not. I live the exact opposite of what I preach.
I got more involved in a small group as others would worship God. There was an amazing sense of community. I knew I was not alone in my Christian life!
I was the problem in this friendship. I refused to let him be anything less than my absolute closest friend. And I said I was sorry.
Back when I was blogging anonymously about same-sex attraction and other struggles, I coined my own term: my Deep Dark Secret Club. They knew everything.
I don't remember thinking of myself as gay. There was always something wrong with me, and I was beginning to see it.
I saw I was faced with a stark choice: it was gay sex or Jesus Christ, a relationship with one or the other, but not both.
As a man who strongly considered becoming a woman, I have a unique gender perspective that most Christians cannot fathom. Still, I wanted to be a man.
I loved sex so much and didn't want to stop because I found out I could do it. Once I did had sex and knew I could do it anytime I wanted, I took advantage.
I processed all the outcomes and knew that ultimately nothing would change by anything I did. My breaking point with my best friend was this: I did nothing.