Who was it that said Pride is a celebration of having survived? I can certainly relate to that. I don't know who said it before Ryan did, but I'm processing Pride with new eyes and new appreciation this year, and hopefully for the rest of my life. Recognizing the blessing, even the miracle, that I'm still alive. Indeed, I could have died years ago because of my sexuality.
That was the third church to turn me away for being gay, even though I had never done anything inappropriate with anyone in the church. At that point, I was done! Done with God, done with Christians, done with church, done with praying, and done with the Bible. I threw every Bible I owned into a dumpster and decided to embrace a gay life even more than I had done previously. For four years, I had sex with as many guys as I could and didn't care. In my mind, since God and the church didn't care about me, why should I?
While I have had many wonderful, supportive Christians in my life, I find many more who just do not want to meet me where I am with my sexuality. This is not a childish lament about how life is not fair or how people in the Church have the audacity to disagree with some of my thoughts or opinions. No, this is an honest observation that the Church has done and continues to do a poor job of helping gay or same-sex attracted Christians continue to walk in their faith with Christ. Instead of being a great cloud of witnesses encouraging me onward, some act as a voice of the enemy telling me I have no place at God's table.
Kevin returns to talk about some of his latest reads! Including one of Tom’s favorite books, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller, which inspires you to live a life worth reading about. Tom and Kevin also talk about the magic of camp once again, early morning prayer gatherings at this year’s YOBBERS retreat, and a shared love for hoodies – sleeveless or otherwise.
We get asked the why question so much because this life is hard. Being a Christian is hard; being LGBTQ+ is hard. Being both can be exhausting. And it may continue to be exhausting if we don't do the work to understand why it's hard and figure out how to keep going.
I'm not one to call out miraculous. And I didn't grow up thinking that miracles happen. I wondered how to handle this gift, this grace when my teammates were in the hospital and even needed surgery? The answer wasn't obvious then. The emotions and lack of understanding come back swiftly when I think back on that weekend.
Many of us with same-sex attractions have experienced that well-meaning friend or family member who feels the need to "love us well" by telling us, "God made you gay, so how could marrying someone of the same sex be wrong?" I appreciate not being cast out by said people because of my sexuality, but they also seem unwilling to believe that I've actually given my sexuality some thought.
And we're back! After a summer retreat that reunited our supporters after two and a half years away, we return with a brand new YOBcast – with more episodes on the way! This episode we're talking about mountaintops and valleys: those proverbial "everything is bold and clear" and "everything is long and dark" seasons of life. Coming off a YOBBERS retreat is a mountaintop experience for many in our community. How do we come back from experiences like that? And what are some other mountaintop moments we've experienced beyond YOB?
While I do not want to ignore the subject of temptation and what to do with it, I think it would be more relevant to talk about the positives of this weekend retreat spent with my brothers in Christ. A better question to ask and answer about our YOBBERS retreat would be: "Why do you gather together?" And also the question: "What is the fruit of such a gathering?" Perhaps by looking at something more culturally familiar, we can draw a parallel to our experience as gay/SSA "Side B" Christians.
I was anxious our "vibe" would be too new, too foreign, too strange, and too uncomfortable for too many people. Would the ratio just be off? Would our vibe be off after 27 months apart? Beyond logistics and numbers, I felt anxious about the purpose of this retreat more than either of our previous ones. It all goes back to that nebulous definition of YOB: what are we here for?