Tag: attraction

The First Same-Sex Attracted Christian Man I Met

I enjoyed telling him my story and my struggles with faith and sexuality. I could talk to him about my failings and slip-ups and didn’t feel any judgment or disapproval. I talked to him about my deep loneliness, longing for brotherhood and friendships – to be accepted by other men and yet met with rejection or cold indifference. It felt liberating talking to someone about this stuff for the first time.

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Do I Still Pray the Gay Away?

When they hear I’m attracted to men but married to a woman, straight people, particularly Christians, sometimes ask if I expect my attractions to “change” in this life. For the longest time, I prayed for God to change my attractions. To make me straight. I do still pray about my sexuality, but I don’t pray that God would change my attractions to heterosexual.

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Naked and Unashamed in the Locker Room

For the longest time I felt afraid about the locker room setting. Part of my fear and shame came from body-image issues, as I was the “fat kid” most of my life. Part of my fear also came from my same-sex attraction – the fear for potential arousal. I was curious how the other guys looked but also ashamed and scared to be around them or be seen in my nakedness.

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Coming Out and Confessing to My Pastor

He was sitting there waiting for me, like usual. My pastor asked if I was okay, though he knew I wasn’t. He could tell I was an emotional wreck, that I needed to get some stuff off my chest. I felt numb, this deep despair inside me, like all my energy had escaped me. I only had enough to meet with him on this particular day.

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I’m Just Not That Into Physical Touch Anymore

I actually find myself decreasingly needing — or even desiring — touch with other men. It’s not completely gone, mind you. But the need/desire is considerably less. This is a fairly new development. I’m still unpacking the reasons, but I have some theories based on how my male friendships have transpired the last decade — many of them imploding.

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