So, my last post was a bit controversial. I shouldn’t have been surprised, but I was! Wow! At least it got you guys talking, with some asking questions for clarification, which was all good in my book. On the other side, I did get a lot of flack, and I got messages saying that I was making people stumble, that my post was sinful.
So, I thought in this post I’d share why I post what I post — why I’m not sorry for my last post, and why I’m not going to be sorry for any future blog posts.
In my very first post, I stated that I want to be honest with you guys. That is basically my policy for when you read my lifestories and I word-vomit my emotions. I try to be as authentic as I can get, yet I know there are people here not used to this whole “honesty” thing. Maybe because they’ve never encountered someone who actually tells it as it is.
Maybe they have this view that once you become a Christian, you become this “perfect” person and God will you use you in mighty ways! Although that is true, there are also some people who slowly change from the inside out; truth be told, not everyone will struggle and become instantly victorious like you are. I didn’t!
Here’s the thing: I’ve been through a lot! I’ve been through so much crap within my 10-ish years of being a Christian. And it was a very slow process to get where I’m at. As I said in my last post, starting with when I lost my virginity with my first hookup, I’d hit my “ground zero” of knowing God and becoming a Christian.
Everyone has to start somewhere, even if it’s a horrible start with Jesus.
That’s where I was; that’s where I began.
From now on, you guys are going to need to prepare yourselves to hear some hard stuff. If you can’t, then I recommend that you shouldn’t read my stories. Why? Because it’s going to get crazy! How crazy? Let me give you a snippet of what’s coming up. Let’s see…
For a short time I was in prostitution.
I got an STD twice.
I had an HIV scare.
There are some people I used to hook up with, then became really good friends with.
And that’s just some stuff I went through! Told you it was crazy!
Remember, guys, everyone’s relationship with God is different. Many people who struggle with SSA or call themselves gay are on their own maturity levels with their faith, their own timelines.
Not everyone is going to have this perfect story after they’ve come to Christ, where it ran smoothly from then on. Not for me, it didn’t.
I wish it had gone that way for me, but the reality is…nope! We all didn’t start the race at the same time and place.
So, why am I really here? Why am I even telling you guys my story?
Here’s my vision for writing my lifestories: there are probably people also dealing with my stuff, and they don’t know where else to turn. They know their friends WILL NOT understand what they’re dealing with.
Perhaps it’s not in coming out to their friends, because they’ve already been accepted, and so instead they’re struggling with hooking up!
Or perhaps they’re mired in prostitution, or they’ve had an STD, but they don’t know how to tell someone, and they’re probably all alone in dealing with these issues! They want to say something, but they have to “be careful” with what they say, lest they make someone else stumble. They get stuck in Christianese terms and can’t actually be real and honest.
I’m here for you! I know what you’ve dealt with and what you’re dealing with currently. You are not alone! You have someone who knows what you’ve been through. I know!
And here’s another thing: I know that sometimes you don’t get to turn off the sexual lust just because you start or have a relationship with Jesus.
I get it! But in my position now, I’ve learned how to disciple myself. To not always give in by not having sex all the time. To say no to my feelings.
Again, don’t think that you’re all alone. You are not alone. You have us! You have me.
We are your other brothers. And that’s why I’m here.
Starting with SSA and getting more specific, have you struggled to confess parts of your life to the Christian culture around you? Did your start with Jesus provide a quick turnaround from your old life, or has it been more of a slow climb?
* Photo courtesy martinssonmartin, Creative Commons.