I was so mad at him! Why wouldn’t he believe me?! We’ve been friends for a while, and we knew each other very well! Why couldn’t he see it my way? The evidence was there!

I paced back and forth in my parents’ kitchen, trying to calm down after an altercation with my best friend. My mom tried to talk to me, trying to figure out how my younger brother had gotten involved in a car accident with my best friend’s mom, even though his vehicle was nowhere near her car!

Wait, what?! Car accident?! Younger brother?! Your mom getting involved?! What’s going on? Alright, let’s rewind and go back to the beginning of this whole drama.

A few weeks before this whole mess, my younger brother was looking for care-taking work after getting laid off. This was a few days after my best friend and I talked in my car about his liking the girl who ended my Bible study and my admitting to him something very vulnerable.

My brother kept looking for work with no luck. My best friend, on the other hand, overheard his mother talk about needing extra help to take care of one of her residents.

While on one of our regular hangouts, he asked how my younger brother was doing and I told him not so good. He was still out of a job, and I was too, so both of us were sweating!

My best friend mentioned that his mother wanted to find someone who could help her out for a few months. This was a huge blessing for both of us because we had rent and electricity to pay for as well as food to buy.

So, my brother started working for my best friend’s mother. Although I was still jobless, this was a beacon of hope! My younger brother’s job had a decent pay, and it was enough to get us by for a few weeks.

One weekend when my brother was working, I decided to visit my parents out on the Navajo Reservation since I hadn’t seen them for a while. I invited my best friend and told him about my plans, but he had to stay behind for work. At least I would get some free food out of the weekend since moms cook the best meals!

I arrived at my parents’ place, hugged them both, and everything was normal. Then my younger brother texted us saying that my best friend’s mother had accused him of scratching her car with his vehicle.

My brother was driving an old white TrailBlazer, and it did have some dents and scratches due to an accident long before this accusation. My mother called my brother, asking him if he really did cause an accident or sideswipe her car. My brother denied the altercation and swore he never hit her car.

My mother then suggested the possible yet ridiculous thing that this whole thing was a scam to get some money out of us!

Wait, what?! Hold on?! I wasn’t gonna be on People’s Court because of some misunderstanding. This was stupid! I knew I needed to call my best friend and talk to him about this whole thing.

I called him right away, and he already knew about the situation. I told him that the dents and scratches were due to a deer accident from a long time ago, and we had photos and evidence to prove it. He seemed very hesitant about the whole situation, but he was also the son of the person accusing us.

I knew this was a very complicated situation, and he could feel the pressure as well. We tried to talk it out, but he believed his mother more than me despite all the evidence we had.

Then the unthinkable happened, something I never thought I’d do, the beginning of our friendship being torn apart: I flat-out called his mother a liar.

I could sense he was taken back, and by that time he definitely didn’t want to listen to me. We sent him photos through text message, and we were ready to call our insurance for backup and make our case.

It was late, and we agreed to discuss this more when I came back home. We never did, and his mother wound up dropping everything, but our friendship suffered through our fighting.

My best friend and I didn’t talk for a good week. We never sent a text message to each other, he didn’t show up to any of our small groups, and my friends never saw him. I saw him just once on a Sunday, a week after the accusation, and I tried apologizing for calling his mother a liar. He still wasn’t having it and just said ok and walked away.

I felt sick to my stomach that one complicated situation made me lash against someone who was very dear to my best friend’s heart. I felt the whole situation was my fault, and I couldn’t do anything to make it better.

My actions haunted me for another week — until my best friend called me one random night.

He apologized for his own actions. He was still upset that I’d called his mom a liar, saying it really hurt him. I owned my responsibility, and we agreed it was a stupid altercation and that we would never do anything stupid like that again.

Unfortunately, we were dead-wrong. From then on, we started bickering like an unhappy married couple and giving each other silent treatments. A few months of this and we’d have our final fight, and I would lose him forever . . .

Have you fought with your best friend? How did you resolve the situation? What have you learned about yourself and about the friendship after a fight?

  • I love your life story posts, Matt. I hope you write a comprehensive memoir one day.
    As you may guess about me, I err on the side of non-confrontational, avoiding fights like this, which risks the relationship in different ways.

  • Matt,
    I’m like Ryan in the way I usually avoid conflicts with my friends, but in a few extreme cases I have gotten into a nasty one. BTW, if you want to avoid conflict with your friend, it is probably not a good idea to call his mother a liar.
    The biggest example for me was my argument with my friend James. It actually took something really major to cause it – death! Our friend and housemate Pierce was suddenly killed in a car crash. Grief brought me to tears, emotional weakness, and indecisiveness. James rightly called me out on it, saying that life is war and death of a friend should not cause me to fall apart. I need to be a man, be tough, and keep fighting the battle to reach my goals.
    As you could guess, as an emotional guy I was hurt and withdrew from James. We didn’t talk much for weeks even though we live in the same house. Eventually I saw that really I just wanted him to care for me in the way I liked, but I was refusing to care for him the way he needed!
    I repented of my selfishness and asked his forgiveness. We forgave each other and we both started caring for each other’s needs. Later when he fell off a roof and was in the hospital with a concussion I gladly did things to help him.
    I believe now that our friendship passed an extreme test it should be solid for the long term !

  • The argument resulted in separation…more than 5000 miles…and while words of forgiveness were mutually given between us, our wives are a different matter. Heaven will be a good place of wholeness and full healing.

  • Matthew Áshįįhí

    Hey y'all! Just an SSA, full-blooded Native American, ESTJ, Enneagram 8 here. I'm a very blunt person but know when people can't handle the whole truth. My job here is to tell you guys my story which is set up like a typical coffee shop, one-on-one talk. I'm here to challenge the way you think and encourage you spiritually. Hope you guys are ready!

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