I believe my sexuality — being attracted to men — is a gift from God.
For those who have decided to continue reading, let me explain; I have a lot to unpack here, so hang on.
The foundation for my belief is that I believe God is sovereign, omnipotent, and omniscient. Thus, I believe He has the power to create and mold me however He desires and knows exactly how my life will play out.
Psalm 139 says that God knit me together in my mother’s womb. It also says He knows the words on my lips before I even speak them. This tells me that every part of my life is known by God.
Including my sexuality.
When I came to terms with my attraction to men, God was not surprised. I did not have to “come out” to Jesus.
God could have prevented my attraction to men. Whatever your beliefs on causation, I believe God is powerful enough to have adjusted whatever needed adjusting to have prevented my attraction to men.
Since this did not happen, I can only determine one reasonable possibility: my sexuality was something God wanted for my life.
Therefore, I see it as a gift.
I didn’t see things this way until I was willing to surrender my sexuality completely to God. When I finally came to terms with the fact that this was a part of my life that wasn’t going to go away, I had two options: I could end my life, or I could surrender my sexuality to the One who created me.
By God’s grace, I chose the latter option. Since then, I’ve come to see how my attraction to men has actually benefitted me in three key ways.
First, I have a keen empathy for others.
I spent years wrestling with a core part of myself. This internal battle opened my eyes to seeing that many others endure unseen battles we couldn’t even imagine.
I know what it’s like to hear people hate who I am on the inside and then expect me to agree with them. And I know what it’s like to doubt God can ever love me because of something I didn’t choose.
My sexuality has helped instill an incredible empathy, allowing me to minister to others in incredible ways.
Second, I am sensitive to the grace of God and the power of His love.
While the Church rejected my sexuality as something deemed “an abomination,” God called me to Him and told me it was part of His plan for me. My sexuality was not meant to be just a part of my life but, further, a part of how I would serve God.
This grace greatly exceeded what anyone ever taught me. I always understood it as “conditional.” It was as though Jesus died for my sins — but only if I could prove I could never sin again. Since the Church deemed me too far gone, simply by existing, what hope did I have?
God’s grace cast aside those lies and brought me into His presence, sexuality and all.
Finally, I can relate to God in a way straight people cannot.
Like I said earlier, I had to understand how God could allow me to experience attractions to men and then command me to abstain from fulfilling those desires. For many years, it didn’t make sense.
Why couldn’t I just find a man to marry and love in a sexually pure marriage relationship? Wouldn’t that still be all right?
However, I never found peace with an affirming sexual ethic. And I had to understand how I could still love God for giving me a desire that apparently would never be fulfilled.
What I came to see was that putting all of my desires toward God — seeking Him with everything and placing Him above every other desire in my life — was the plan God had in mind all along.
It has never been about getting married, working a certain job, or living in a certain area. It has always been about loving God with all of my heart, soul, strength, and mind. As Jesus says in Luke 10:27.
When I came to see things this way, I no longer experienced an inner contradiction that I be attracted to men and yet be called to a different ethic. If it’s about loving God, then no desire I have can ever compare with the fulfillment I find in drawing near to Him.
Without my sexuality, I don’t believe I would have learned any of these things. I could list other benefits — the friends I have now, the ministry where I serve, my brothers here on YOB.
But I want to leave you with these three things because I believe these are benefits God has for all of us who are not straight.
Do you see your sexuality as a gift from God, or do you struggle with this concept? What are your own personal spiritual benefits in experiencing same-sex attraction?